Quaker Oats Mr. Irrelevant Watch: 1st Installment

What do you think about when I say the word “Average”?

You probably think of synonyms such as standard, unexceptional, something that fits into a mold but never stands out, etc. At least, those are the words that come to mind when I think of average. The dictionary definition is this: “an amount, standard, level, or rate regarded as usual or ordinary.” Seems pretty consistent along the lines of what I was thinking.

Now, what comes to mind when I associate “average” and “football”? If the first thing that came to mind was Carson Palmer then we are on the same page. I mean, seriously, how average of a person can Carson Palmer be? Not even as a football player, Carson Palmer literally is just a boring, unexciting quarterback who doesn’t make too much noise in the media but just never really goes away.

Sounds about right...

Sounds about right…

How many of you thought that Carson Palmer was still retired? Up until about 5 weeks ago, that was me. You may be thinking, why does this dude have so much hate for Carson Palmer? The answer is that I don’t. I just happened to watch Carson play last night and found myself thinking about how average he, and so many players in the league are and how little excitement I get from watching them play.

This brings me to my brand new edition to 6 Rings: The Quaker Oats Mr. Irrelevant Watch.

Why the hell is the Mr. Irrelevant Watch “sponsored” by Quaker Oats? Good question. To be honest, it just feels right. I mean, what is more boring than Quaker Oats? A company that literally does nothing but makes oatmeal and cereal, and somehow has been around for years. They’ve been exceptionally successful but who cares? They just go about their business, do well, but are an extremely boring company. I digress.


Chazz Michael Michaels: Sex on Ice

Carson Palmer IS Quaker Oats as Chazz Michael Michaels IS figure skating 

We always like to talk about the big time performer, the superstar, the fan favorite, but nobody ever talks about the average football player. As you can already tell, Carson Palmer put himself on the Mr. Irrelevant Watch with his performance last night.

30/45 for 258 yards, 1 TD and 2 INT, QB rating of 70.4.

Nice work Carson, you managed to make yourself comfortable right in the middle of the pack of quarterbacks once again by having yet another average day behind center. Your team lost, and you got absolutely manhandled all night long by the Seahawk defense. In my mind, Carson was the most unnoticeable player on the field last night for the magnitude of his position.

They don’t get more average than this guy. Let’s take a look at his numbers this season:

60.5 % completion percentage, 8 touchdowns, 13 interceptions with a 69.5 passer rating.

Hmm, where have I seen those numbers before? Oh yeah, those were his exact numbers from last night in proportion. Carson, why the hell do you still have a starting quarterback job in this league?

Why He Never Goes Away

Carson Palmer never goes away because some team each year is willing to take their chances with somebody who once had luck in his football career, in hopes that they somehow will re-live those days once again. This year’s team happened to be the Arizona Cardinals. They look at Carson and say, “Hey, here is a Heisman trophy winner who has been a solid starting quarterback in the league. He’s an upgrade from John Skelton and maybe offensive-minded Bruce Arians can turn his career around and make him a winner”. That’s exactly what I thought of when I decided whether or not to draft Palmer to my fantasy football team.

I’m glad I didn’t.

Because I am now reminded, as I’m sure Arians and the Cardinals are, about what Palmer does as your quarterback. He wins you 7-8 games and if you’re lucky enough to make the playoffs, you should enjoy your wild card game and long vacation afterwords. You might see flashes of a once elite college quarterback, but you will always be brought back down to earth the next game.

Will He Ever Take the Next Step?

No. Carson Palmer is old and washed up. For his sake I hope he turns his season around and wins the Cardinals a couple of games. Maybe he’s got a couple more seasons in him, but ultimately he will move out to the suburbs with his very normal family and probably end up coaching the local high school football team… and lead them to 8 wins and a first round exit every year.

Congrats Carson, your the first semi-talented USC quarterback to make the Mr. Irrelevant Watch this season.

Keep an eye out this Sunday for somebody you think deserves to be added the the Quaker Oats Mr. Irrelevant Watch. Tweet @6RingsSports using the hashtag #MrIrrelevant to nominate who you think was the most unexciting player of the weekend.


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