Player Hater’s Fall

First of all, let me thank you all for even bothering to come back to read this week. After all, what’s a guy who apparently knows nothing about winning football teams writing about the NFL for? It felt really good to be able to get that off my chest last week, and it’s gotten me in a saucy mood.

How saucy, you might ask?

So saucy that I went out and did just about the most non-grownup thing imaginable this past weekend: I went out and purchased Grand Theft Auto V. Man, that game is sweet. Full-fledged swearing. Great music to cruise at high speeds to. Topless strippers (I mean, if you’re into anime). Only a couple hours into the game and I was planning and executing an intricate jewelry store heist; SO money.

The only thing that could have had me hating this weekend would have been a total meltdown of my Raiders, GTA5 sucking ass, or stupid, irrational, and spoiled fans getting all uppity about a call. Well, the Raiders were on a bye week and GTA5 is fantastic in ways I don’t even have words for. That leaves stupid, irrational, and spoiled fans…..

It seems no matter how far away from Connecticut I am, I’m always going to have to deal with the Patriots and the Jets. Outside of the AFC West, these are probably the two teams I hate the most in the NFL and it doesn’t help my cause when their game is the last to finish off the noon (1:00p et) slate of games. Man, though, I wouldn’t have traded this Sunday for the world.

"Wait, you're going to call a penalty on us? I'm sorry, you know we're the Patriots, right?"

“Wait, you’re going to call a penalty on us? I’m sorry, you know we’re the Patriots, right?”

You know how artsy people talk about ballet, a painting and the opera? Like, “oh my god! It was so beautiful! It moved me in a way I’ve never been moved before!”? If you’re anything like me, you’ve never quite been in a state of that euphoria before and probably thought it was a load of bullshit. How can anything be that good? How can anything be that inspiring and emotional? Well, now I get it. I totally get it.

If you don’t know yet, the Jets beat the Patriots in OT 30-27 on Sunday with a hearty side of controversy. The Jets missed a game winning FG attempt with a little over 5:00 remaining in OT when a flag was thrown on the Patriots for an unsportsmanlike conduct and the ensuing 15-yard penalty. This penalty, a new one to the NFL this year, states that a player cannot push his own teammate into the offensive set on a FG attempt or extra point attempt. It’s pretty clear that the jabroni on the Patriots did so, thus, 15-yard penalty and another shot at the game winning FG. The Jets would go on to make that second chance attempt to win.

Taste it, Patriots. Taste it.

Of course, no social media was safe after that. Patriots fans swarmed all outlets in full force bitching and moaning about the call and how the Patriots ‘got screwed.’ Some of my best friends from home complained, some people I don’t like complained, and a shit ton more people I don’t even know complained and complained and complained. “What a bullshit call,” they said. “These refs are an f’n joke,” they proclaimed.


Sweet sign bro. Really showed him!

Sweet sign bro. Really showed him!

Let me refresh your memories, Patriots fans, of how your dynasty came to be.

January 19, 2002. AFC Divisional Round. Patriots. Raiders. Tuck Rule. Not like this. Simply put, the worst day of my life (and yes, I hate this day tenfold more than the loss to the Buccaneers in the Super Bowl the following year).

Sound familiar, New England?

Ever since that day, the Patriots have gotten EVERY single call their way. It’s almost as if Jesus Christ decided to purchase Madden 2002 and play dynasty mode with the Patriots and reset the Playstation every time he was about to lose. You just knew the Patriots would get bailed out somehow from that point on, it was a sixth sense.  It was inevitable. It was infuriating.

What’s even more infuriating is the “underdog” card that all Boston fans still use. HELLO. You’ve won every major sports championship this decade, you are not an underdog anymore. There’s a big difference between being an underdog and just being a city that everyone hates. And don’t go kidding yourself that it’s jealousy, because it’s not. It’s because you’re assholes.

Tom Brady and Bill Belichick? Assholes.

Paul Pierce, Kevin Garnett, Rajon Rondo? Triple stack asshole. (Yes, I’m aware that Pierce and Garnett are in Brooklyn now)

Sweet beards, Red Sox.

Jesus, even ESPN spelled loser wrong.

Jesus, even ESPN spelled loser wrong.

Want to play a fun game? Find a Patriots fan and ask them to name one of the Quarterbacks to immediately precede Drew Bledsoe. They won’t know. Anyone who played Tecmo Super Bowl can tell you though.

I literally had to pinch myself when the call on Sunday was made. Is this real life? The Patriots aren’t going to get bailed out? Is this the end of the world?

Waaaahhhhhh. “They NEVER call this penalty.” Waaaahhhhhh.

Oh you mean like the tuck rule? You mean the rule that no one even knew existed until the 2001 season? That one?

Waaaahhhhhh.  “The Jets told the official to look out for the Patriots doing it.” Waaaahhhhhh.

Oh you mean like when Bill Belichick threw the challenge flag and informed the ref at the time of the tuck rule only because he had seen it earlier that year in a Patriots game? You know, the rule the ref didn’t even know about at the time?

How quickly they forget. Makes me wanna puke.

Bottom line is that what happened on Sunday is the same scenario as the tuck rule call: it’s a good call but a bad rule. The only difference, of course, was it cost the Raiders a shot at the AFC Championship and it was the difference of 5-2 or 6-1 for the Patriots.

The Raiders were not robbed. The Patriots CERTAINLY were not robbed.

However, the entire city of Los Santos is on robbery alert when I fire up GTA in 5 minutes.


One response to “Player Hater’s Fall

  1. Well done, Mr. Calabrese. Everyone knows that any conversation regarding teams being robbed by the referees starts and ends with the Packers-Seahawks Monday Night game. #NotOverIt.

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