Player Hater’s Fall: Week 5

I see you there Pumpkin Spice Latte. I see you, and I want you in and/or around my mouth

I see you there Pumpkin Spice Latte. I see you, and I want you in and/or around my mouth

This is one of the best times of the year. The weather starts to cool down, football is in midseason form, baseball playoffs are in full swing, hockey and basketball are starting up, and Starbucks has their Pumpkin Spice Latte back (taken straight to the damn face, venti style with whipped). Man, pumpkins are great. They provide one of the all-time great snacks in pumpkin seeds and everything flavored with pumpkin tastes fantastic. Plus you can carve them up, just like I plan on doing to those involved in this week’s article.

Chicago Bears

Folks I know in the Chicago area would have you think that I hate the Bears. Folks I know back in New England would have you KNOW I hate the Patriots. There’s a fine line between hatred and realism. Hell, I root for the Bears because I love their style of play and the city is a blast when they are doing well. However, I’ve been patiently waiting for a track to explode on; you can stunt if you want but your ass’ll get rolled on the Bears to come back down to Earth after quite possibly the luckiest 3-0 start to a season ever, although, to be fair, the game against Pittsburgh was controlled by the Bears just about all four quarters.

What do Jay Cutler and his stupid dog have in common? They are both little bitches.

What do Jay Cutler and his stupid dog have in common? They are both little bitches.

The problem was, even looking at the stats there was nothing to hate on through the first three games. You’d literally had to have sat down and watched the entire first two games to understand. Let this be clear, the Bears did not win either of those games, the Bengals and Vikings lost those games, respectively, of course. While I’m a firm believer that defense wins championships in football, you can only rely on your defense for so long to put up 7+ points per game.

Mark my words; Jay Cutler will NEVER win a Super Bowl. I have a better chance of seeing Jesus Christ. I couldn’t imagine myself wanting to play with this guy, never mind have him my captain. Has there ever been a worse demeanor at the QB position this far into a career? (Beat you to your Cam Newton counterpoint). Can’t have him bitching at teammates, can’t have him constantly pouting, can’t win with ‘em, can’t do it.

That being said, I now have the Bears at 8-8 or 9-7 whereas my preseason prediction was 7-9 or 8-8. Really rooting for 8-8 as I have two bets out there for 8-8 or worse…Giants have to win at some point? Right?

Jacksonville Jaguars

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Tony Romo Haters

I never quite understood the hate for Tony Romo, but maybe that’s because the Raiders have had 16 different starting QBs in the last 10 years or something crazy like that. I would kill for Tony Romo to be the QB of the Raiders. Does he throw a crippling pick once and a while? Well, yea. Did he just go shot for shot with the single best selling pizza man in the league right now? Yup. Dude can ball, and he isn’t a complete asshole like others (see above).

You're right Papa! 2 BILLION FREE PIZZAS!!!

You’re right Papa! 2 BILLION FREE PIZZAS!!!

Romo is the easy target after the game last Sunday for that 4th quarter interception, but everyone seems to forget that Manning threw a pretty bad pick in the 3rd quarter to let the Cowboys back into the game. If Manning doesn’t throw that pick, we’re just talking about how the Broncos can’t be stopped and are on their way to 16-0. Instead, Manning throws that pick, the Cowboys take the lead, and then Romo throws a pick and that’s all anyone can talk about when we should be talking about how the Broncos are beatable and the Cowboys are clearly tops in the NFC East.

There’s a short list of guys I’d rather have a QB than Tony Romo that are currently in the NFL. That list includes: Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, Aaron Rodgers, Drew Brees, Matt Ryan, Andrew Luck, and maybe Ben Roethlisberger. That’s it. Seven guys out of 31 other options. Enjoy what you have Cowboys fans, because without Romo, your team would be a perennial 5-11 team.

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