Has your significant other been asking you to go apple picking ever since the start of football season? Have you been pushing it off so you could soak in as much football as humanly possible without making this person leave you? Well this may be the weekend to make that trip to your local apple orchard.
It’s not that we football fans hate apple picking its just that apple picking season crosses paths with our holy season. If it was possible to pick apples in February we would but thats not how the Sports and Apple Gods work. They placed each of the schedules together as some way to test our American society. Apples are good, apple cider is delicious and apple pie makes me all warm inside but none of these compare to football. (Unless of course you have some booze and cider at a tailgate then the two are fantastic together.)
I am here to tell you that this is the week to be proactive and go up to your lover and say “hey how about we go apple picking this weekend.” Make sure to practice it in the mirror because you may want to hide that frown. But don’t worry this is a crappy weekend of football and it is better to rip than band aid off now before you have to miss back to back weekends because pumpkin patch time is coming as well.
I am single and alone so I don’t have this problem but I will let you be the judge so let us preview this weeks games…
Thursday Night Drinking Schedule
730pm Clemson at NC State ESPN: Dabo and the boys will try to avoid an upset at the hands of the Wolfpack. Last year NC State took down FSU for their lone loss of the year which produced this gif. While I hope Clemson wins to hopefully set up a FSU/Clemson showdown I am okay with an upset as long as we get the shirtless man again.
You Should Be Watching: Chiefs at Eagles NFLN: Chip Kelly’s offense is indeed must watch television and you need to be watching every second the Eagles have the ball. If this is the only football you get to watch all weekend you will be fine.
Friday Night Drinking Schedule
7pm Reds at Pirates Root Sports: Another monster baseball series in the Burgh as the Redlegs come to town. I will be there and will continue to soak in bizzaro Pittsburgh where the Steelers and bad and the Pirates are good.
You Will Be Watching: Boise St at Fresno St ESPN: Boise is actually the underdog here as Fresno can get another big win and hopefully propel them to BCS party crasher status.
Saturday Day/Night Picking Schedule
9am Gameday from NDSU: Okay this is actually pretty cool. Gameday will be broadcasting from North Dakota St University in downtown Fargo. For those of you snickering NDSU is no joke and beat K State earlier in the year and has won multiple FCS National Titles. Gameday actually expects to set an attendance record.
Noon Apple Picking: I am being serious, this is your time. There is no game worth watching unless your team is playing. Put on your favorite flannel shirt and get ready to pick some fucking apples. GET EXCITED.
Keep an eye on you phone: Fla A&M at OSU BTN2Go: One eye on the enemy at all times.
330pm Sparty at Notre Dame NBC: Don’t even worry about missing the beginning of the 330 games because there will be such little offense nothing will happen until the 4th quarter anyway.
Flip the remote: Tennessee at Florida CBS: No offense here either. Just Jeff Driskel looking like he wishes he was apple picking. (See, they want to do it too.)
7pm Arizona St at Stanford FOX: Alright folks you survived and have gotten back just in time for the best game of the day. Now take all of those products you bought at the orchard and put them to good use.
Flip the channel for Manziel: SMU at A&M ESPNU: The over/under is set at 82 for this game. I would honestly take the over.
SEC Football: Auburn at LSU ESPN: Auburn is quietly 3-0. Not that it will matter here but that Gus Malzahn can coach.
No idea why this is on: Michigan at UConn ABC: Michigan is on at 8pm. No idea why
1015pm Utah at BYU: These two schools hate each other which makes for some fun drunken yelling at the TV.
Sunday Funday Schedule
1pm games: Also a good time for apple picking
4pm games: Bills at Jets drinking game. Drink every time there is a score and have 2 beers and be in great shape to drive home.
830pm Bears at Steelers NBC: I will be hosting some people from Chicago so things might get out of hand including the game itself. I look forward to booing Todd Haley in person.
Monday Funday Schedule
830pm Raiders at Broncos ESPN: Who knew that Pryor vs Peyton could actually happen? What a country we live in.
I hope your weekend is both productive and filled with much apple cider. Enjoy