Our long national nightmare is over as college football starts back up this evening and will go well into the weekend. We have a lot to get to so lets jump right in…

Thursday Night Drinking Schedule

6pm North Carolina at South Carolina ESPN: Pop the champagne as we get under way in Columbia. Clowney will be the storyline and rightfully so but I am interested to watch the Gamecocks offense. I am not sure they have enough playmakers to be considered a title contender now that Ace Sanders is off in the NFL. North Carolina will be eligible this year and could get a much needed win for the ACC over the SEC. Weeeeeee

Flip the remote: UNLV at Minnesota BTN: HI VOSE

9:15 Ole Miss at Vanderbilt ESPN: Grab some Tennessee Whiskey and enjoy an SEC tilt by two programs that are trending upwards. I am excited to see how much Robert Nkemdiche plays and I will dread if Treadwell is making plays for Ole Miss. (This will lead to more drinking, the first despair drink of the year.)

Flip the remote: Rutgers at Fresno St ESPNU: Fresno St is led by a Carr so that means they are good. The Bulldogs can get a decent win on their resume with this one and set up a showdown with Boise St in three weeks. Rutgers begins their farewell tour to the Zombie Big East.

10pm USC at Hawaii CBSSN: Stay up late and drink island drinks and laugh at Kiffin. (Btw did you know USC plays 13 games this year? Does Kiffin know they are eligible?)

Friday Night Drinking Schedule

8pm Texas Tech at SMU ESPN: America’s Bro coach Kingsbury debuts against June Jones and company. Prediction there will be lots of passing and many sideline shots of a well dressed Kingsbury. Both are fun in their own way.

Flip the remote: Western Michigan at MSU BTN: Speaking of bros, grab some Boones Farm and come enjoy Sparty’s defense and their QB battle.

10pm Northern Arizona at Arizona Pac 12 Network: When you are good a liquored up try and figure out if you have Pac 12 network. If not just find the nearest dance floor and dance like Rich Rod.

Saturday Morning/Day/Night Drinking Schedule

9am College Gameday from Clemson, SC: Grab that mimosa or bloody and get your mind right!

Noon Buffalo at OSU ESPN2: Have one eye on the enemy at all times.

Flip the remote: Toledo at Florida SEC Network: I will actually be in Toledo on Saturday to hang with Northeast Ohio’s face of sports and maybe we can get a big upset and then go get drunk in the Glassbowl.

1pm Rice at Texas A&M ESPN: Everyone else will be talking about Manziel but they should be talking about how Rice plans to replace Sam McGuffie’s production.

330pm Central Michigan at Michigan BTN: Ah yes, we have arrived once more at our destination. Sit back, relax and enjoy the ride. (And the proceed to breakdown every play and talk to myself out loud and scare everyone in the room. (Me:“CAN YOU BELIEVE THEY BURNED McCRAY’S REDSHIRT? Other person: “Um, no.”)

Flip the remote: Mississippi St vs Oklahoma St ABC/ESPN2: Oklahoma St actually plays someone decent in non conference which is really nice. They will regret that immediately if they lose and we are all subjected to SEC chants and cowbells.

Iowa Boxscore Alert: Northern Illinois at Iowa: Who else is excited for Iowa to lose to a MAC school? RAISE THOSE HANDS HIGH

Temple at Notre Dame NBC: Another eye on the enemy and the other eye laughing at Tommy Rees. Hes back everyone!

5:30pm Alabama vs Virginia Tech ESPN: Poor, poor Va Tech.

7pm Washington St at Auburn ESPNU: Another all spread matchup as Malzhan returns to the Plains and Leach enters year two at Wazzu.

8pm Georgia at Clemson ABC: The Game of the Weekend. Touch that beautiful rock Clemson and come on down that hill and lets party. All eyes will be on the Senior QBs Murray and Boyd but the defenses are the question mark. One team will feel great and the other will get shunned. (UGA has to play South Carolina next week too, yikes.)

Flip the remote: 9pm LSU vs TCU ESPN: Luckily we will have 2 TVs because we will need it with this tilt. LSU lost 11 underclassmen to the draft but it is LSU so its not like they don’t have more talent. TCU’s Casey Pachall returns to the field after missing the 2nd half of last year due to rehab. Another chance for some SEC chants.

10pm Boise St at Washington FS1: Red Bull and Vodka time as we hit the home stretch. The Huskies unveil their beautiful new stadium and can make a statement by beating Boise St. For the Broncos it is business as usual, win and begin their march to enter the BCS discussion.

Flip the remote: Northwestern at Cal ESPN 2: Cal opens the Sonny Dykes era at home with a true frosh at QB in Jared Goff. For Northwestern this is their best team under Fitz on paper and could get a big win under their belt early for what is the toughest schedule for any Big Ten team. (Minus Purdue but its Purdue so, you know, Purdue.)

Sunday Day Drinking Schedule

1:35pm Cardinals at Pirates ROOT Sports: Big series ender for these two teams locked atop the NL Central. Its weird having to keep up with the Buccos on Labor Day but its the good type of weird.

330pm Ohio at Louisville ESPN: This might be Louisville’s toughest game which is saying a lot. Teddy will begin his Heisman campaign and Papa John will be a little toasty by kickoff.

6pm Colorado vs Colorado St CBSSN: RAMMIES!

Monday Night Drinking Schedule

8pm FSU at Pitt ESPN: Come for the Heinz ketchup and stay for Jameis Winston. The redshirt frosh won the job and has tons of hype. Pitt has close to zero hype and rightfully so but hey at least losing to FSU is better than losing to YSU.

I hope you are able to soak in as much football this weekend as you possibly can. Good luck to everyone and enjoy!